The Tan Man

The Tan Man

Welcome to Thankful 4 Tanner

Hello all! And thank you for visiting our blog about our family and precious baby Tanner. Here you will always find up to date information about Tanner. I know sometimes it's hard to get ahold of us when you are wondering how Tanner is doing. So here we will post information we recieve at his doctor's appointments. We will always post Tanner's biweekly weight checks and overall growth. We'll post all of his accomplishments that seem to be coming daily. He's always trying something new. Thanks again for visiting and caring about our precious gift from God.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

An Off Day

So, today's post is going to have a different feel than the usual. Justin and I try to stay positive and we do a good job of that most days. Every now and then I have a down day. I'm not sure what triggers my down just kind of happens when I wake up. Today he just doesn't want to eat for some reason which can be frustrating and worrisome. Usually I try to be this perfect mom that just does what I have to and smile while doing it. My blog is usually about how great Tanner is doing and how he's exceeding expectations. I usually think "Thank God Tanner was given to ME and not somebody that doesn't have the will to do the best for him".
I'm sure I'm going to regret thinking out loud about how I'm feeling and thinking today but I feel I shouldn't keep it all inside either. Today I keep thinking to myself "why MY baby"? "Why OUR family"? In a post a few days ago I closed by saying "this our life, our family, and we wouldn't change a thing". That was me trying to be the perfect strong mother that I strive to be. The truth is.....if God himself stood in front of me and offered to change one thing in my whole life, I would change just ONE thing. I would ask him to please make our beautiful, precious baby boy healthy. Please make him seizure free, let him always eat well, help him gain weight, please no more surgeries, no physical and mental delays, no early intervention, no biweekly weight checks, no more weekly appointments.......please give our Tanner his full chromosome 4. Please make the Wolf-Hirschhorn Syndrome just go away. I love my baby Tanner....more than words can express. I'm so happy to have him in my life. Although there are things I would change about Tanner's health, I would never change that he is my baby. My friend Lauren who is mother of Norrah (who also has WHS) said it best in her inspirational post called "The Odds", " Though I pray that Norrah experiences healing on this side of heaven and though I yearn for her to live without pain, delay or defect... I wouldn't have it any other way than for me to be her mother and her to be my child.".
I hope my down day is not misunderstood. I love our baby!! He makes me smile countless times a day. I do feel blessed that I am able to have children, that Tanner is doing well, and that he is with us today. Some days...I guess I get greedy and wish for a little more. I know Tanner's syndrome cannot just go away. So, I will continue to do what's best for him. I will continue to pray for him. I will continue to strive to be the best mother I can be.


Lauren said...

I know I wrote it in my email but... it is good here too... YOU ARE NOT ALONE... I think all of us WHS mommies and mothers of sick kids feel tired, worn out and bummed sometimes. But... I know from my experience that the sad days fade away and there are more triumphs, victories and good days to come so.. just know it will pass. Thinking of you.

Hannah said...

I am with you all the way. I sometimes wonder how am I going to do with for the rest of my life. But I know I will and everything will be great. Riley's eating is the biggest stresser and the more I get frustrated, the more she gets frustrated and eats less. It's so hard to be strong all the time no matter what, but it sure makes a difference to our kids. Hang in there. I am walking in your shoes. We can and will do this.

lmi61281 said...

Here is a poem that I wanted to share with you, thought you might enjoy it.

Welcome To Holland
by: Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
* * *

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